My pain

My pain is a looking glass,

A mirror for those who cannot see.

Their lifeless bodies,moving about.

There is, no ground to fall on

,no shadow to fear.

For my freedom, is in my loneliness,

my happiness,in my distress.

I’ve never felt the sunlight ,neither experienced the rain.

My pain is a looking glass, a window to my soul.

Vague picture, full disclosure.

Life shapes and molds you into someone that is unrecognizable in the mirror.

The hopes and dreams of the child you once were lost in transit somewhere and never to materialize. The choices you made has formed a reality for your existence and you cannot fight the truth of the matter. It is done, it is set.

God has a plan that goes beyond your understanding. It is without fathom. To question His plan is a quest to be left alone. He knows the end from the beginning.

The ending of a thing is better than its beginning. Rise within yourself to find His strength for You. You cannot deal with life alone. He has created the substance to move you from a deep sour state to a sweet position. He has the ability to enlarge your capacity for pain and so that you may endure till the end. For as you enlarge to carry pain you make way to carry joy completed.

There is a hope for you. A hope that produces the fruit of patience. A knowledge in the surety that things, will indeed change.

He makes all things new.

You don’t see me

I hate it when you say you love me.

I don’t believe the expression was meant toward me

My carnal mind limited to unbelief

My soul twisted by past experiences

Raw emotion biting at my flesh

Inside, leaving marks on the outside

manifested by my actions,

exposed by my words

Leave me at my worst

find me at my best.

 

Freedom in the fall

High up on a steep plane. Numb with fear. The fall seems endless. I would disappear completely before my head hits the ground. Fear lifts me higher and the pit now looks endless. I choke for lack of air at this height. Tears flow down my cheeks, yet I’m unaware of it. I am paralyzed unable to think. My mind is trapped in this moment right here, right now. The earth beneath me crumbles. I hear the thumping of my heart, I feel the blood rushing through my veins at rapid speed. The earth gives way and I tumble pushed down by gravity at a speed that cannot be calculated. I shut my eyes and I let go of all my fears and surrender to this inevitability. I’m wrapped up in nothingness and down I go. Deep and even deeper into the earth’s core. I almost feel lost forever, but ironically I feel release. Free, unburdened, untangled from all my fears. I am pushed down forcibly by the fastness of this fall. This is exhilarating. I’m falling, falling, falling and its the most liberating event of my life! I open my eyes to survey the height from where I’ve fallen and I’m saddened at the thought, that I stayed up there so long. Burdened by my fear tormented by my weakness….I release and my lungs are filled with air. I turn my head and my face is comforted by the softness of a warm pillow. The hardness of the muscles in my face melts away, I smile…I’m awake.

Awakened

In that moment I found my true self, that very second…I could have gasped. Eyes wide shut. I could have convulsed at the very painful feeling in my gut. Instead, I looked up to the person inside me. Facing the creature long-awaited to come forth. The ultimate being, the monster, magnified. Glorious and beautiful, unafraid and in total control. Tall yet magnanimous. A quiet within that would frighten the masses. A stillness that could only come from the soul. Deep down in the creses of my heart. I laid my hand to feel the beating of it, fast paced, exhilarating. I’m alive and I’m awake. Wet tears expressed my gratitude for freedom. No longer hidden or lost. I can be me, myself! The flame igniting within began to brew like some volcanic pulp deep down.Pulsating, pumping and rising. The need to roar aloud and spew the fire, fan the flame within. In that moment my flesh, soul and spirit became one. I no longer felt hidden or betrayed by the outer shell through which I was living. My body motioned me to rise,stand up. Stand up! My eyes gleamed with assurance and new-found confidence. I could see so far ahead me it was amazing. I was awestruck at my abilities. I could do more, I could be more! I could be more! Everything I was meant to be everything I’m supposed to do. Happiness was no longer a happening that needed to take place. In that very moment I felt joy. Undeniable joy, a peace that surpasses the human understanding. My soul now lives, through me…

 

 

Poised torture

It’s that brewing cup of Earl grey tea,

The look on your face and that feeling in me,

Movement of your mouth, and I’m suddenly perplexed,

Its what you do, when you do it that has me so vexed!

Can’t hold the moment, it’s gone by a second,

locked now in my thoughts, those things that you say,

how you move, when you move me by the way!

You know none of this, of course you can’t tell,

how my heart skipped a beat and my jaw almost fell,

Just how you let me in, those words , what did you say??

May I  have one more moment, oh just give it away!

 

 

 

 

That place where you feature

You’ve made an impression on me. An “in”pression, I can’t seem to get you out. That place in my mind where you linger, that spot, where you’ll always be I suppose. The time you featured was significant and pivotal, so I’m sort of stuck with the memory you hold. Hold me hostage with your bondage, imprisoned by imaginative pictures, stories untold and places untouched. Unrequited and unfulfilled I’m left begging myself to let go, fill out the spaces of you and put something in that ,could erase you!

Its unlike me though, I don’t let go and I don’t forget moments of utter rawness and openness. Real true emotion, untarnished, pure…sacred quiet cannot distill suppressed passion.